Another year, another bullshit holiday.
Yes, as the title suggests, I'm replacing Valentine's Day with Second Halloween, kinda like Christmas in July. Maybe February Holloween, or Februween. I'm sick of Valentine's Day. I hate it. The candy, the hearts, the flowers, the annoying couples, the teddy bears, the cuddling, the hugging, the kissing, the specials on Hallmark Channel, and especially those damn cupids. Oh how I hate the idea of them. If anyone sends me a Valentine of any kind, I'll tear it up, and I'll take a huge dump on it. I win, bitches!
Contrast that with Halloween. Halloween has skulls, ghosts, zombies, Jack O'Lanterns, vampires, bats, everything is so awesome. The candy is there too, and it's more than fucking chocolates! Plus it makes me want to watch some Vampire Hunter D again, or slasher films, maybe that one Dracula movie where Christopher Lee actually looks like Dracula in the novels or the Keanu Reeves one. It beats watching Tonikaku Kawaii (which slurps anal seepage from a horse with a straw).
That's why I have a proposal: Replace Valenturd's Day with Second Halloween, Februween, or St. Valentine's Eve if you want.
Don't worry, I'm still gonna trash talk Valentine's Day every year. I'll be less bitter because I'm celebrating Hallow's Eve in February...or maybe not, who knows if it'll catch on.
And if any cupids try going near me, I'll show them a real cute couple: Hekler and Koch.
No comments:
Post a Comment