Valentine's Day is a stupid holiday for stupid people. I can't take it anymore! The hearts, the cupids, everything! Why does there have to be one day of the week where couples have to pretend they love each other SSOOO MUCH when they're miserable and angry for the rest of the 364 days? I mean, seriously, I treat my girlfriend nicely all year...just kidding, I'm single, and couldn't be any happier because I don't have to get these stupid Hallmark cards with these stupid fucking cupids. Might as well be called "buy a card at Hallmark Day" because that's all you do. Next time someone sends me these cards, I'll stick it up their ass and beat the shit out of them.
I also can't stand the hugging and the cooing and the pet names, and giving each-other some stupid stuffed animal with a heart or a heart-shaped card with some stupid phrase like "Be my Valentine" or "I love you". Barf! I got a better idea; send cards with phrases like "I fucking hate you!" or "Kill Yourself" or "Die motherfucker Die!!". Wouldn't that be better? Yes, let's make that a thing!!
Did I mention I hate cupids? Yeah, I do. Wouldn't it be cool if we could just take every cupid and impale them all? I know Dracula would approve!
So instead of me saying Happy Valentine's Day, why don't we just say Happy Second Halloween? In fact, replace Valenturd's day with Second Halloween. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna start watching Vampire Hunter D.
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