5 Facts About Japan (That Dumbasses Believe)

You have that friend, or at least knew that one guy in class whose body looks like a balloon, has some Naruto Headband, and keeps using only a few Japanese words? You have seen the creature known as a Weaboo.

I hate that stupid word with a passion, because it sounds like something one of those Simpsons Penises says. I would rather not utter the name at all without having my blood boil, especially because aside from dumbass children always obsessing over it, we now have dumbass middle-aged...man/woman-children always obsessing over it.

Some dipshits on Facebook are gonna be plastering your facebook wall with these characters and paste half-baked political opinions or some "le randumb lelXD" hipster bullshit on them, as if these Simpsons Penises are the ultimate authority of what you should believe.

This is why I hate election season, because there will always be paranoid old people and died-hair tumblr dipshits with problem glasses tripping themselves over just to make sure their opinions are more important than yours.

Okay, sorry for the mini-rant here, what we're really talking about are weaboos wapanese, who are white suburban kids who think the reason for them being such outcasts isn't that they have an unhealthy lifestyle, talk about some shitty moe anime nobody likes, or the fact that they have to wear these stupid fucking headbands at school, but it's because America isn't the place for them.

These guys are responsible for making every shitty show from Japan popular. These guys make every generalization of Japan there is. They think anime is very real in Japan. These guys are fucking manchildren.


Here's the bullshit they think about Japan:


1. Japanese girls will fawn over every American tourist they see.

You probably heard of this tired old stereotype, where because of the fact that you are a big, strong American man, all the ladies will do any favors for you, and treat you like a god.

That's not very true, that would be impossible. This is a stereotype that is made by people who have never set foot in Japan. Not only is this stupid, it's also orientalist as fuck! No, seriously, being a tourist in Japan does not generate automatic pussy for you, especially if you're overweight, too obsessed with Anime that, again, nobody likes, and smell like my ballsack sweating on the planet Venus.


2. You will be more accepted for being obsessed with Anime/Manga/whatever.
Not really. From what I've heard, you would be made fun of even more than in the states. In fact, the word Otaku may be interpreted here as a casual anime viewer, but in Japan, it means total loser.


3. They are basically sexual deviants.
This. Is. A. Huge. Lie!

Some will say that there are used panty vending machines everywhere, when it's actually located only in the Red Light Districts. That would be like the BBC saying "Well, America just opened up a new strip club chain, and the first one is being built near an elementary school."


4. There is always Weird Shit Everyday.
Nope. Japan is normal as fuck.

See, this is a normal thing in Japan, just walking around, being normal and shit. If you were to go to Japan and expect weird shit to happen everyday so you can tell all your wapanese friends about it, then prepare to be disappointed.

5. They must be obsessed with a lot of Anime.

This must be the underlying source of all misconceptions about Japan for all the socially awkward weirdos there are. You see, most anime these days are almost always critically panned for being terrible.

What I don't get is that these fucksticks are trying to be apart of some other country that doesn't give a fuck about them. Face it, morons, you'll never be accepted by Japan. Get over it!

Besides, they're not even going for the cool things about Japan to be obsessed about. There's cool shit to check out in Kyoto. Take for instance a temple that has an entirely golden color called Kinkaku-ji:

This Buddhist Temple is dedicated to me after I saved Japan by punching Godzilla straight in the nuts, saving Tokyo from certain doom.

If you really want to visit the largest wooden structure of the world, visit the Todai-ji. That thing's bigger than my dick.

See, this statue in the Todai-ji is holding a scroll and a brush, the artist that made this is talented enough to make someone holding a brush and scroll look badass.

Seriously, this makes me want to make a drawing of some dude holding two things that aren't badass and look badass holding them.

Wapanese people always obsess over the wrong things in Japan. No, anime about little kids aren't a great way. The fact that anime like K-On and all that other bullshit gets seasons upon seasons, while underrated anime like Cyber City Oedo 808 get the shaft, and only make it to three episodes. That's bullshit! I hate watching anime about kids, because kids are fucking stupid!

Y'know, instead of wapanese or weaboos, how about we call them Noe-Orientalists? That makes sense, especially if they're french.