5 ways the My Little Pony movie could be better.

Holy shit, that MLP movie sucked camel testicles. If only they would've followed everyone's advice on how to not be shitty, but some people don't wanna listen. Here are some good ways to make the movie suck less.

1. Replace the main cast with planks of wood with a smiley face.

At least planks of wood are more likable. They're more three dimensional than any of the characters in the movie.

2. Have a kickass soundtrack.

Look, the art, story, the "humor", and the voices always sucks, right? That doesn't mean the music has to suck. Drop in a bit of Pantera here and Alice in Chains there and it's gonna be a shitty movie with good music.

3. Have theaters give you a 3DS with Metroid Samus Returns.

It would be better for every parent on suicide watch to at least have a 3DS with a copy of Metroid: Samus Returns. At least you can have more fun committing alien genocide on a hostile planet instead of watching a bunch of colorful ponies insult your intelligence by patronizing you about "Friendship" every single second. Better than having parents slitting their wrists and blowing their head off with a shotgun. Less spillage than there already is.

4. Have Rambo come in and kill everyone

That's right, have Rambo come in and kill every single one of these unlikable characters and shred them to bits with his trusty M60 Machine Gun. We need him to teach kids that violence is an acceptable answer to all your problems.

5. Invent A Time Machine to stop yourself from seeing this shitty fucking movie.

Either that or a refund. And some pill to make you forget the last 3 hours. Preferably ones that cause death in large doses.

That is how you take a movie that sucks camel nuts and make it suck rhino assholes, which is an upgrade in my book. Hey, maybe more suggestions and the movie would be sucking dog nuts instead, so don't stop now. That probably won't stop neckbeards from praising the non-existant quality of this movie anyway.