Okay, so apparently people liked the idea of One Paragraph Game Reviews. So to indulge the masses, I decided to continue my one-paragraph game reviews, only for a Sega theme.
For a debut, not too bad, in fact, I can say this was a good beginning for the Blue Blur. Of course this doesn't go without flaws, with such examples include taking too long to build up momentum, and no spin dash. However, the colorful graphics, the speedy gameplay, and the iconic electro-pop soundtrack would culminate towards such a memorable franchise. Great beginnings and all, but why the fuck is Sonic naked and the female characters aren't?
Verdict:
This is probably what people think of when I refer to the classic Sonic games. This time with Tails around, spin-dashing, and what-not, and don't forget the iconic soundtrack. This game was one of the first games I have ever played in my life, I mean, all the other toddlers were on Barney and Sesame Street, while I was on Mario and Sonic, as well as the ports of Mortal Kombat and Double Dragon for the SNES. Well, that's all I have to say for now. SEGA!!
Verdict:
Classic beat-em-up with solid controls. The graphics were good at the time, gameplay was excellent, and you can select characters each with their own special abilities. Taking place in a Conan world in all it's homoerotic glory, you just fight things. How much more manly do you want it? You have up and down for your standard side-scrolling beat em ups, you have a combo system, and a bomb thing you can do. You could also beat up those midgets with the sacks, and I love beating them up, not only because they give you magic bombs, but I like to envision that being Leafy, and who wouldn't wanna beat the shit out of Leafy?
Verdict:
To see how amazing this is, imagine little Timmy playing this for the first time. "Oh boy," exclaims Timmy, "I'm a Dolphin, WEEE!" Then suddenly, all the dolphins except Ecco gets abducted by aliens. Now little Timmy is scared. The emptiness, atmosphere, and bizarre story makes this a mind-fuck game. I mean, what even...? The game's pretty decent though.
Verdict:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Verdict:
Oh, I forgot to add one more thing: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good lord, that game was so bad. In the beginning of this game, Sonic was running from one place, then he said "Aw yeah, this is happening!". I know now what is happening, Sonic finally excaped the awful Sega Saturn place. So what do we expect from Sonic Team's first 3d Sonic game? How about good gameplay, awkward camera angles, AWESOME SOUNDTRACK, terrible voice acting. Wait, am I saying that despite some flaws this game is a classic? Why yes I am, sooo....
Verdict:
Sanic Temperature 1 was a great debut for the 3D Sonic games from Sonic Team, but the sophomoric Sanic Temperature 2 added and subtracted at the same time. They added more characters, but subtracted the hubworld. They added more great soundtracks, but subtracted the robot dude and replaced him with Tails. You know what, how about this: Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Adventure 1, what is the better game? Answer is neither one is better nor worse, but it is worth your time, even if you have to drag yourself through the Tails/Eggman and Knuckles/Rouge stages.
Verdict:
A Classic bmup (beat 'em up) originally released for the Sega Genesis. This game is pretty good. For one, you can counter enemy grapples in a cool way. For a Final Fight Knock-off, this has something to bring to the table...which I guess doesn't make it a knock-off in the slightest, but helped create a genre. Hey, if Castlevania: Symphony of the Night could create Metroidvania, then this game could make a bmup...that sounds fun to say. BMUP BMUP BMUP!!!!
Verdict:
In what may actually be the greatest 2D Sonic game ever, Sonic 3 and Knuckles could let you play as Knuckles as well. After the Master Emerald is destroyed by Metal Sonic, Knuckles must be on his way to restore it to its proper shape. For Sonic, yes he must stop Eggman, like in every Sonic game ever. Okay, but what makes this unique is that the soundtrack is composed by Michael Jackson, its just that he is uncredited. He was on the Simpsons once, and like Sonic 3, he chose to be uncredited.
Verdict:
THIS GAME FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!!! Just kidding, it's actually pretty decent, if sluggish. What you are is Sonic, he can turn into a ball, he's pinned in Eggman's lair, which is a ball, so he must play pinball as a ball, while having his balls pinned into a ballpin. Sonic is a ball, and this game has balls, end of story. I don't care how gay that sounds, I could talk about Sonic's balls all day, my friend. For more Sanic gayness, go look at Sonic Hentai.
Verdict:
So how can I put this? Hmm, you're some guy that rises from the grave, the game begins with some guy telling you to get the fuck out of your grave, so the game wastes no time. So you play as a guy with a pink leotard. When you collect orbs, you get bare-chested, then after that, all your muscles get bigger, then you turn into a naked wolf-man. Okay, aside from the homoeroticism, the game is actually pretty good, it's hard as fuck, so it's one of those games that you have to keep playing to get better, like Castlevania.
Verdict:
Shooting zombies, bosses, all that shit. This is what happens when you take Virtua Cop and add zombies to it. Hey, the graphics may not have aged that well, and the voice acting is subpar, but at least you kill zombies. ZOMBIES!! That's all I have to say, you shoot zombies. At least it's not Gal Gun this time.
Verdict:
Okay, Sega, what the hell? This game suffers from bugs, glitches, atrocious loading screens, why? Well, I'll tell you why: because Sonic Team wanted to make the BEST SONIC GAME EVER by 2007, but Sega said that it should be released by Christmas of 2006 (and they started the same year), so they had to rush it without polishing the game mechanics. So fuck you Sega. Also, bestiality is not cool.
Verdict:
Set in an alternate universe where everyone is made of polygonal shapes, and Earth's gravity is much lower, you must firght your way through a tournament. No, not just of skill, but controls as well. Okay, aside from that, the game was an alright debut for a great series. I played it on 32X. Should've been called 32 ass...as in 32 asses simultaneously taking a shit.
Verdict:
Amazing flying platformer whatever type of game. I mean, this game is... Seriously, this game... You fly around, and, and... Okay, just play it, you'll see what I mean, because I just can't explain, it's just damn good!
Verdict:
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