Alright, Halloween, my most favorite time of the year. Ghosts, Ghouls, Werewolves, Vampires (No they don't fucking sparkle), and whatever dick jokes some frat bros are using for a costume...good times.
C'mon, ladies, you know you wanna play with his balls.
So on this special day, I decided to review up to ten movies and TV shows that are horror themed, mostly has to do with vampires, for this special occasion. As with my one paragraph game reviews, I will be assigning a grade for them, and will be judging them on their performances, acting, special effects, and so on. So ladies and gentlemen, LLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEET'S GET READY TO RRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, let's start off with a classic. F. W. Mernau's Nosferatu was an unofficial adaptation of Dracula, so of course some things had to be changed around, like the character's names, so on. What I love about this is the fact that it's in black and white, enhancing the atmosphere, the musical score is very chilling, and the vampire, Nosferatu, is still hideous and unnerving even to this day. If you want some chills tonight, then I would recommend this movie immediately. The full movie is up on Youtube.
Verdict:
An official adaptation of Dracula, instead of being tightly based on the novel, this one is ironically loose on it. Oh well, at least the movie was good. The atmosphere is dark and scary just the way horror was meant to be. Of course, the movie may be slow, I do think this works to the movies' advantage for the gothic horror setting. Also, this changed the face of Dracula forever, from being an old fart to being some younger, more suave portrayal.
Verdict:
Vampires and demons rule the distant future of 12,090 C.E, putting humans at a desperate fight for survival, because of this, a special class of hunters has emerged, called "Vampire Hunters", but one vampire hunter, however, is different from all the rest, because he's only half-vampire, he is also a badass. This guy is D, and he is hired to protect a werewolf-hunter Doris Lane from the advances of Count Magnus Lee. Okay, this movie is incredible, the scenery, atmosphere, everything is awesome. Even if it is a little dated. The combination of the mechanical sci-fi and western elements with that of the gothic architecture and the swarming of monsters inside an abandoned vampire castle make it one of the most unique settings of all time.
Verdict:
A sequel to Dracula (1931), this series is the first adaptation of the Hellsing Manga by Kouta Hirano. Although it follows it to a T in the first seven episodes, it does become it's own thing later on. It happens, as the author is working on the manga as the anime series is going on. Alucard is awesome as hell, because he can kill vampires incredibly easily. Dark, brutal, and action-packed, this shit is AWESOME!!
Verdict:
What made Vampire Hunter D awesome was it's signature gothic setting nestled within a sci-fi/western setting. So we get to see that again, but this time with better character design, better animation, and the inclusion of the Marcus Brothers, especially Grove and Layla. Actually, I want a separate series based off their own vampire hunts, that would be awesome. Of course the movie is a lot darker in tone, a lot more action packed, and the subplot is how you do a romance between a human and a vampire.
Twilight, Rosario + Vampire, please learn something from this.
Verdict:
Even better than the TV series, these ten-part OVAs had better animation, more Tarantino-esque (Always a good thing), and EVEN MORE VIOLENT!! Yes, Alucard does not sparkle, he kills sparkly vampires, then eats them for breakfast. This time, Alucard is fighting the Nazis, nazi vampires, and nazi zombies. Does this even make sense? Who cares, just shut up and enjoy the bloodbath!
Verdict:
I have to include another silent movie in here because they know how to utilize the dreary atmosphere that was lost to technilogical advancement. Phantom of the Opera is about an actress that is trapped in a theater with a disfigured man who is doing things like murder and trapping. The movie has this spooky appeal, very atmospheric, and the face. Okay, just watch the movie, because you have to see how spooky it is.
Verdict:
Don't believe what the fangirls say, it's way darker than you think. Ciel Phantomhive is an orphaned head of the companu Funtomhive who lost his parents in a fire, so he swore revenge by getting the help of a demon butler who will help him, in exchange for his soul. See, what'd I tell you, the premise is dark as hell, and the demon, Sebastian, seems way too friendly to be a demon, he just cooks, cleans, pets cats, does housework, deals with servants, kills gangsters, burns people, and kicks ass! What makes him very scary is the fact that he is always so attached to his master Ciel, and that's because he really wants his soul so badly. This show is very deceptive, but I do not like certain characters, and there is too much filler, however fun it is to watch.
Verdict:
Back then in 1995, Warner Brothers made a horrible mistake by having Joel Schumacer direct Batman and Robin, complete with bat nipples, so superhero movies have dropped in popularity because they were seen as too goofy...that is until Blade showed up! Blade is a badass vampire hunter, he uses guns and sword to kill them. No, seriously, just watch the movie, it is that awesome.
Verdict:
Vampires. Do. Not. FUCKING! SPARKLE!!!!!!!!
Verdict:
Thanks for viewing, and see ya next Halloween. Maybe I'll get to reviewing the Hammer films, like Dracula and Frankenstein. See ya next Halloween.
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