Kids are Too Stupid, So Stop Exploiting Them for your Agenda

You've no doubt heard the phrase before. That phrase all the moralists seem to use to guilt trip us all. Oh yeah:
THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

When I was a kid, I was simply enjoying Sonic Adventure for Dreamcast, watching DBZ at the end of the Namek Saga, and just now getting interested in Astronomy, so I didn't know at the time that there are a bunch of slimy fuckballs who are willing to use me as a proverbial mouthpiece for their stupid agenda. For example; Suppose I were aware of Bill Clinton's scandal with Monica Lewinski back then, the only response back then would be "meh", it's not like past me would've written this article back in 1999 as a response.

Speaking of Clinton, it seems that Hillary "fellowkidforprez" Clinton released an ad with a video montage of Donald Trump being a dick as usual on TV with kids looking at him either dumbfounded or looked bored as hell. Then the text was something along the lines of "what will kids think when they see our president?" I know the answer to that: "Can I watch Cartoon Network now, mommy? I'm bored!" to which Suzy McCuntnuggets would reply "No, kids, I want you to see how much of a horrible man he is so you think the same things as me. After all, I did divorce daddy so I could get this nice new TV with my alimony money, and convinced you little shits that he's a no-good drunk asshole!!" Well, first of all (since the ad depicted the kids by themselves), why are kids watching Donald Trump on TV? They would rather watch Gravity Falls. Second of all, when did kids want to emulate the president? Last time I checked, kids didn't go outside and pretend to sign a treaty with other nations, or veto any laws. They're just kids, whatever insight they have on politics may be unimportant. Kids don't know about politics, nor do they care! All they care about is playing Pokemon Go. Speaking of Pokemon GO, I hope Hillary Clinton would someday Pokemon GO AWAY!!

Damn, Hillary, back at it again with the cringeworthy pandering to millenials.

You would be mistaken in thinking that this bullshit is just a recent example. Oh no, my friend, it goes way back. I would say as long as a moral panic was happening. Don't believe me? Here, I'll give you a general picture:

Wanna listen to Heavy Metal Music? Think of the children. Wanna watch Beavis and Butthead? Think of the children. Wanna burn down the entire rainforest and kill all of it's creatures? Think of the children. Wanna murder three kids in Finland? Think of Children of Bodom who are way cooler than any actual child. Wanna fuck another dude? Think of the Children. Wanna play Doom? Think of muh animu tiddies 4 vidya gaemz eqwaliteezz!! Yeah, bullshit, right? I mean, for one, no you stupid goomba fuck, I do NOT wanna think of your stupid perverted weeb shit when playing Doom, no one likes all that stupid pervy weeb shit, so stop with your stupid moral crusade against violent video games for your pedophilic bullshit to exist that only serves to drive newcomers away from gaming. Don't exploit kids for your own agenda, either. It just comes across as not only douchey, but it seems like you have no argument.

Kids are stupid, loud, annoying, and gross leeches that feed off you and bleed you of your money until they finally become adults. Their favorite show is Teen Titans Go, for fucks sake. If that doesn't show how dumb kids are, I don't know what will. So of course they're gonna be easy to manipulate. Yes, think of the children, until said children become teenagers and have a different opinion that doesn't agree with their bitchy soccer mom's who gets offended by everything under the Sun, so they become some sort of "lost generation", then they're scumbags who in turn should think of the children. Funny how that works, right?

Also funny is how Hillary Clinton's way to get voters-besides the pandering to millenials in the worse way possible-is to simply say "Twump is a big 'ol meaniehead who will hurt your wittle feewingz, so vote for me, so no feewings would get hurt!" Yeah, way to respond to paranoid right wing conspiracy theories about Benghazi, which now gives right wing douchewaffles ammunition against you.

Besides, both candidates are dumb. If I were president, I wouldn't care about people's feelings, because feelings are stupid! Also, I would make a law that everyone should vote for me, because I rule! I would make war with all other countries and make them bow down to me. Then I would make neckbeard hunting a government job, because neckbeards are a bunch of worthless slags. I mean, all they do is sit on their fatasses all day, smell bad, have terrible political opinions, laugh at shit that isn't even funny, watch shitty cartoon shows (e.g. MLP, K-On, and more cutesy bullshit), play shitty hentai games like Senran Kagura, and make everything that used to be cool into something that sucks now, like anime. I would also make protest illegal, because everyone should bow down to me. I would make it illegal to build a row of urinals without walls, Jelly-filled donuts would be outlawed, and I would abolish Valentine's Day, and turn it into a holiday where we light a random building on fire while doing drugs. I call it Angrygrape's Day. Another law is that kids must shut the fuck up. Kids are dumb. I would also sign into law a tax for people using oxboards. You must pay me part of your brain, because if you want to look like a hamster on remote-controlled wheels got a lobotomy, you might as well get a lobotomy. Why not make shitty games illegal? I swear the guys who made Destiny would get 30 years for that, and I'm sure the Huniepop devs would get life. Vote Angrygrape for Prez.

That does it for now, so if you'll excuse me, I may have to do my obligatory Trump bashing: Fuck Donald Trump's Hair!