Angrygrape1337 Rules

=CHAPTER 01==========================================================================

Location: Springfield, IL// Date: April 14th, 1996// Time: 13:00

Terrain: Suburbs, interior// Wind Direction: N/A

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       The Superintendent made his way up the stairs on the porch towards the front door. The doorbell rang. The door opened, and the Super-intendent was greeted by the principal of the school, Springfield Elementary.

"Well, Seymour, I made it...despite your directions." The Superintendent said to the principal.

"Ahh, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgetable luncheon." Seymour Skinner excitedely exclaimed.

Chalmers let out a "meh" reaction as he and Skinner walks towards the kitched door, Chalmers set his Wine in the wine cooler placed on the table. Skinner was shocked to find smoke coming out of his oven. He let out a dramatic gasp as he frantically ran over to the oven to discover, to his horror, that his roast he had prepared was burnt, hence ruined.

"Oh ye gods!" He exclaimed, "My roast is ruined!"

Skinner walks towards his window. In that window's view was the nearby Krusty Burger. Skinner came up with the plan of purchasing fast fod and disguising it as his own cooking. He even muttered that to himself, and even described the thought process to himself as "Delightfully devilish, Seymour." He takes off his apron, pulls up the window, and lifts one leg over the window sill as Chalmers walks into the kitchen to see what is taking long.

"Superintendent," Skinner was caught by surprised, but remained a relativistic calm throughout by coming up with a lie on the spot, and damned well quick, because normal people would merely buckle under the pressure of having to explain themselves in the same situation.

"I was just doing excercises on the window sill. Isometric excercise. Care to join me?"

"Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?" Chalmers asked pressingly

"Oh, uhh, that isn't smoke, that's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm, Steamed Clams" Skinner responded while making a gesture by rubbing his stomach in a circle.

Chalmers made his way back to the dining room, Seymour let out a sigh of relief, and sprinted his way across the street all the way to Krusty Burger. There, he made his way through the door, seeing a lazy day. No customers save for the select few sitting down, and one in line about to finish up orderig and paying in cash. Skinner rushed in line to request seven hamburgers and 3 large fries. Skinner waited around after that, wondering if Chalmers is on to something. What would happen if Chalmers were to find out the roast was ruined, and there would be no lunch? What would happen if Chalmers came busting through the door, and called Seymour's name? What would happen then? Skinner thought he would lose his chance at a first impression, and maybe even be fired.

The cashier rang Skinner, and Skinner, taking his to-go order all in both hands, rushed back to his house. He found that Chalmers was not in the kitchen, not even getting up from his chair. There was no time, Skinner had to bring out a large platter, he laid out the hamburgers and fries in a way to make it look like he made it himself. Skinner came out of the door.

"Well, Superintendent, I hope you're prepared for mouth-watering hamburgers."

" I thought we were having Steamed Clams."

"Oh no, I said Steamed Hams. That's what I call hamburgers."

"You call Hamburgers Steamed Hams?"

"Uhh, yes. It's a regional dialect."

"Uh huh, what region?"

"Upstate New York."

"Really?" Chalmers was getting a little suspicious. "Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone say the phrase 'Steamed Hams'"

"Oh, not in Utica, no, it's an Albany expression."

"I see" Chalmer's suspicions were put to rest, only to be brought back when biting into the "Steamed Hams"

"You know, these Hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger."

"Oh no no" Skinner laughed nervously. "Patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe."

"...for Steamed Hams?" Chalmers questioned.

"Yes."

"Right, and you call them Steamed Hams despite the fact they are obviously grilled." Chalmers presented the grill marks on the patty.

Skinner was clearly stumped. He couldn't even come up with an answer to that. He stumbled a few words before asing to be excused, going back into the kitchen which is engulfed by flames.

"Good times were had by all, I'm pooped!"

"Yes, I should be g-GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?!" Chalmers exclaimed as he observed the flames coming from the kitchen.

"Aurora Borealis." Skinner quickly answered.

"Aurora Borelis, at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country localized entirely within your kitchen?"

"Yes."

"May I see it?"

"No." Skinner answered.

Skinner and Seymour made their way outside, as Skinner made sure Chalmers is on his way home.

"Seymour! The house is on fire!"

"No, mother, that's just the northern lights."

"Well Seymour, you are an odd fellow..." Chalmers said with a blank expression, which quickly turned into an exhuberant expression as he finished that statement with "...but I must say, you steam a good ham."

A cry of help rang through the air from Skinner's mother, and Chalmers turned back to investigate, only to see Skinner give the thumbs up. Chalmers turned back around to face the parking lot, clearly ignoring the signs that Ckinner's house was on fire. A firetruck quickly came to the scene, and put out the fire.