5 Facts about Florida Travel Brochures Won't Tell You

When you vacation to Florida, you are probably thinking of just going to the Beaches and nothing more. That's all people think of when they think Florida, right? That, and the shops, the historical sites, and The Everglades. If you're not from Florida, then you might just think it looks like something from Dead or Alive, right?

Mortal Kombat Deception > DOAX3

Travel Brochures won't tell you much about Florida as much as some jackass with a page will tell you, so here goes:

1. It actually looks like any other state.

When you go to Florida, first thing you go to are the beaches, but if you face the other way, you'll see that it's just like any other state. Don't believe me? Take a look at these pictures and tell me which one of them is Florida:

Give up? Here's the answer

2. People suck at Driving

Believe it or not, people in Florida are the worst drivers ever. Don't believe me, try going there. I have seen the absolute worst, people stopping in the middle of the road, people stay stationary at a green light, people holding up traffic, I always see accidents all the time. My theory of why Florida has such bad drivers is because Florida has too many old people. You see, when people become older, they start to lose motor functions, such as not being able to hold a pencil, type, write, or even do anything like they used to. Also, they become sense-deprived as they get old. Because of this, they seem to stop at random, can't pay attention at their surroundings, and can't even stay focused on their task. This is why old people shouldn't be allowed to drive. PERIOD.

3. It's always hot outside, cold inside

We all know it's hot outside, and going inside you might expect it to be nice and cool, but really, it's too cold. So cold in fact, that even the shorts and under-shirt you wear wouldn't even help at all. Yeah, some places have it so cold that you have to wear a jacket inside. Going to Florida wearing a jacket is pretty fucked up! Florida has a lot of dangers, whether it be Alligators, Panthers, Snakes, heat death, crime, disease, and old people driving, so why add Hypothermia to the list?

4. We are home to the most crazy Earth model since the Flat Earth Model

The Flat Earth model is the most second most mind-boggling stupid thing ever. I know what you're thinking, "If that is the second-worst, then what is the WORST thing ever?" Here, lemme tell you about some guy named Cyrus Teed, pictured here:

Frigoff, Cyrus!

He came up with an alternate shae of the Earth. See, instead of the Earth being flat or round, it is round, but facing inward, with the Sun, Moon, stars, etc. being at the center. Yes, he's real, no he's not joking, he really is dumber than GaijinGoombah.

All I can say is that, there is no explanation needed, he really is nuts.

So if you ever feel like a total dumbass, think of Cyrus Teed, and you'll feel like Stephen Hawking.

5. Miami

Miami is the most dangerous city in the U.S. highest crime rates ever recorded, very dangerous. If you ever want to go there, don't go to the ghettos. Also, theft is very common, you even take one eye off your car and shit, it gets stolen. You know the Metallica Song Enter Sandman? Sleep with one eye open? Yeah, you better be doing that.

This is because there are so many illegal immigrants, and they're criminals too. That's because Cuba sent their criminals to Florida in the 1960s, even though we didn't want them. Immediately, they started mafias of their own, smuggling Cocaine, and dealt it as well.

That does it for now, hopefully this will encourage you to stay near the beaches, eat old people, and have a safe travel to Alligator Alley.